My Arbitrary Rules for Picking Freecycle Recipient

When I first moved here, there was no Freecycle group. I checked again a few weeks ago and a really active one has sprung up from nowhere so I joined. I am in the middle of a massive garage clean-up project and I have a ton of stuff I need to get rid of. After I posted the first couple of offers, I was overwhelmed with responses and I had trouble deciding how to choose someone. I came to the conclusion that it’s useless to try and pick out who deserves it most so instead I came up with my own personal and totally arbitrary rules for picking who gets my cast-off items.

I immediately delete any email in which:
1) The person does not use complete sentences. Any email that reads “pl plz mayi have” goes straight to the trash.
2) The person offers me money for the item. This person is too stupid to know how freecycle works.
3) The person tries to use Jesus to get my item. Saying, “I could use this for my church” equals instant deletion. Also signing “God Bless” means you’re going to have to get your dozen used coffee mugs from someone else. It’s not Jesus I oppose but the supposition that everyone is friends with him that I find irritating.
4) The person says they NEED the item.
5) The email is a long drawn-out panhandling sob story. If I’m busy crying over your wretched life, I’ll be unable to write you back and arrange pickup.

After I delete all those, I give the item to the person who followed my rules and wrote me first.

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